just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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