she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
