You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
