Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
