So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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