Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
