thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
