fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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