the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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