I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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