I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
