I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
