Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
