i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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