I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
