so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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