6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The struggles of a small town man whore
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
