U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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