Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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