I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
