i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
