the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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