mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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