I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
