you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
