Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
