drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
handjob tips. give me some.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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