found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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