Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
