I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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