I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
