this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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