Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
