I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
