i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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