i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize