I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
