I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
