I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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