I am puke
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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