Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
