You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
