I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you win again, gameday.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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