just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
