this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
