I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize