I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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