The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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