no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
