tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
