I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
