i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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