The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
