We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
