today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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