Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
