i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm having to shit out rocks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
