He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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