Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
