I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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