i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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