are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
