all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
