Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Your face is a jimmy john

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  (650): Your face is a jimmy john http://tfl.nu/p2et
  Replies (7) Good night (801) Bad night (922)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.

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  (703): drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things. http://tfl.nu/24x7
  Replies (2) Good night (1002) Bad night (422)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey

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  (416): I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey http://tfl.nu/3mx1
  Replies (14) Good night (1308) Bad night (589)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina

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  (410): no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina http://tfl.nu/z7tk
  Replies (15) Good night (2600) Bad night (1075)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

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  (586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51
  Replies (22) Good night (8440) Bad night (745)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

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  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (14) Good night (1237) Bad night (7789)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

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  (+44): Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though. http://tfl.nu/3f7o
  Replies (7) Good night (5198) Bad night (919)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.

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  (913): Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move. http://tfl.nu/e9ea
  Replies (6) Good night (4774) Bad night (895)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.

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  (740): I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago. http://tfl.nu/bvjh
  Replies (5) Good night (3316) Bad night (1009)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit

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  (901): He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit http://tfl.nu/0txt
  Replies (8) Good night (889) Bad night (2477)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.

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  (907): Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo. http://tfl.nu/e2tw
  Replies (7) Good night (589) Bad night (2043)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.

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  (+61): I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/00sg
  Replies (2) Good night (1038) Bad night (656)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.

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  (202): Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands. http://tfl.nu/8ssv
  Replies (10) Good night (1674) Bad night (418)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.

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  (623): Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God. http://tfl.nu/6yhq
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.

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  (563): A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night. http://tfl.nu/qzkz
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (457)

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