I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
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Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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