I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza