Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (760) Bad night (2893)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I showed him my bush... on skype.

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  (817): I showed him my bush... on skype. http://tfl.nu/384w
  Replies (40) Good night (776) Bad night (4141)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (743) Bad night (9692)
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.

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  (234): If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again. http://tfl.nu/4l5p
  Replies (6) Good night (2852) Bad night (907)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?

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  (407): Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants? http://tfl.nu/pjw5
  Replies (18) Good night (3545) Bad night (1037)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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  (313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5
  Replies (18) Good night (646) Bad night (2433)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3596) Bad night (1056)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?

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  (818): I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal? http://tfl.nu/2gme
  Replies (6) Good night (949) Bad night (669)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD

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  (815): i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD http://tfl.nu/w0y8
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (467)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo

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  (661): Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo http://tfl.nu/bjmc
  Replies (6) Good night (956) Bad night (385)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.

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  (613): As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'. http://tfl.nu/ayxf
  Replies (14) Good night (567) Bad night (2779)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat

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  (716): I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat http://tfl.nu/8oko
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (230)
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  (619): View more from California

  I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup

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  (619): I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup http://tfl.nu/dv60
  Replies (8) Good night (1162) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.

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  (317): Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life. http://tfl.nu/xt94
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (172)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.

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  (651): Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up. http://tfl.nu/p8h2
  Replies (0) Good night (313) Bad night (109)

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