Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.