Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.